Revenge Is Fun Even if Served Warm
by drufan
Summary: Spoiler tag for Irresistible. It's what best friends do.


_A/N: This is a tag for Irresistible so there are spoilers!_

_Disclaimer: Stargate, not mine. Only the poorly conceived humor in this tag is mine. Sorry._

Revenge Is Fun Even if Served Warm

Atlantis had finally fallen. It was not to the Genii, or to the Wraith, or to some other enemy not yet discovered. It had fallen to a single, dowdy, obnoxious and randy man. Unctuous had been a very appropriate term. A single person of dubious parentage had completely taken over Atlantis and they had baked him cookies. They had been the conquered without a clue. It had been a foothold situation with caterers. Everyone had gushed adoration towards the jovial malevolence of Lucius, everyone, that is, except John Sheppard.

Luckily, Lucius was not evil personified, just sleaze reinvented. Lucius was a bigamist, a predator and a charlatan-- a nothing who had found the holy grail of something, and let it go to his oversized head. He was an opportunist who took his chance and came up against a wall of snot with blocked sinuses and a mucous laden cough that made his chest hurt just thinking about it.

Atlantis had fallen and he had not been able to do his part by staying away from the crazies. He had let mucous boy down and had nearly gotten him killed…well, maybe not killed, but at least seriously maimed in the process. He had failed and Sheppard had to rely on a bipolar Beckett for help.

Beckett turned out to be a damned good actor because none of the nuts had noticed the initial nut was over the effects. Of course, all of them had been solely focused on (insert facetious, heart-melting sigh here) Lucius. Thank goodness, those Scots are a wily, deceitful bunch.

Atlantis had fallen and their go-to-guy had gotten got. And how did he repay the man that had saved the day?

Rodney wiped his sweaty palms on his trousers and opened the door of his room. With a bright, beaming smile, Sheppard dropped one last sock into Rodney's clothes hamper.

"Colonel?"

"Hey buddy!" The greeting was genuinely friendly. So completely, genuinely friendly.

Rodney looked around his quarters. "Wow, it looks great!" He was astonished at how much progress Sheppard had made. His clothes were picked up, his equipment was placed on shelves and his bed was made.

Of course, he had taken his sweet time catching up to Sheppard. First, he needed to destroy the herb. After that, he was hungry so he stopped at the mess. And then, he needed to check-in with Zelenka so there was that…

"Really? You like it? I could, you know, rearrange your awards by year or in alphabetical order or…"

His conscience had a pang. "It looks fine, Colonel. Right now, we need to go see Beckett. He wants you for a…for a post-mission check-up. Don't want that Bronchitis to rebound."

"I feel great, but if you think I should then we'd better go. Afterwards, I could make sure there're no dust bunnies or…'

Had he been this bad?

"_Fly Lucius, fly!" _slithered through his head much to his annoyance.

Oh he had, he had and more. Rodney should have been hanging his head in shame. He should have been thoroughly disgusted with himself. He forlornly sighed at his victim.

"What?" Sheppard asked in concern. "Do you feel alright? No sycophantic aspirations still? No ill effects from Lucius' love drug or is the room not right? I can redo it."

Rodney McKay was a horrible human being, a smear of slime in the alien snail tanks in zoology, a particle of cosmic garbage obscuring the lens on an orbital telescope. He grimaced at the eager, blinking face waiting for his next instruction.

"No, no reason to do that." McKay screwed his courage together and put his foot down on his crasser impulses. "Let's go see Beckett."

"Well, if that's what you want, but I saw that your desk in the lab needed a little reorganizing and thought…" Sheppard rambled as Rodney directed him into the hallway. Rodney stopped short.

Well, maybe they could make a brief detour…

"No," he whispered defiantly to himself.

"Hmm? What did you say?" Sheppard asked innocently and stopped to peer inquisitively at his master.

"Nothing Colonel, let's go," he replied wearily. Rodney really felt like he was the sludge underneath the slime or the refuse clinging to the sides of the garbage can. Sheppard had saved them and this is how he treats his best friend.

**_Hell yeah_**, because Sheppard had been a pain in the ass since the whole debacle. He would not let any of them forget their aberrant behaviors or their less than perfect adoration of Luscious Lucius. He kept making cracks about throwing themselves bodily at the pig. Cracks like "lingering desires" and "don't feel like a good cry, do you?" and "sycophantic aspirations".

Funny thing was-- no one had called to make sure that Sheppard had made it to the infirmary for his inoculation. Not a single person had checked up to make sure that Rodney had followed through and deposited his influenced friend into the care of physician with a needle. They actually had not even mentioned the inoculation at all.

A sly, wicked smile graced McKay's face and he decided he could live with being the putrid waste at the bottom of the dumpster for a little while longer.

"You know what Colonel, you're right. That desk does need a good cleaning and, better yet, so does the lab fridge."

The End

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_A/N: This episode seems to be either you hated it or liked it. Love did not seem to enter the equation. I liked it because of its dark comedy. Lucius was a great bad guy since he appeared so innocuous until his conversation with Shep in the cell. It let you in on just how amoral he could be. _

_Irresistible had a Coen brothers' air to it that appealed to me. Plus, just the little bits of character interaction were priceless. Long live Harcourt Fenton Mudd and his TV descendants! _


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